One thing that frustrates me just a little since discovering the world of blogging and reading the writings of everyday people is that once I get interested in a particular blog the writer disappears. They just stop posting. I wonder what happened to them. Something tragic? Or did they simply get bored with the site? You start following a person’s story, get a glimpse into their thoughts and ideas, perhaps you feel you have some things in common, and then you’re left hanging.
I don’t want to be guilty of doing the very thing that bothers me.
When I began this blog it was because I needed to step away from another one I was writing. Also, I’d discovered a new corner of blogging where I soaked up entirely too much information in a very short period of time. It was all very enlightening. I was once again having my view of life expanded and shown another side of thinking with regard to sociology, philosophy, psychological aspects of humanity and the physiological make up of the genders. None of it was classroom teaching, but educational just the same.
After gleaning much of this new information I thought I had something to add to the discussion, so I started this blog. Some of my first posts were written from a bit of anger over what I’d read, I admit this. When the anger subsided and I assessed where to go next with this site, I felt a little lost. There were a couple of things going on at this time that I had to take into consideration.
One thing I noticed was that I was spending a tremendous amount of time in this ‘online classroom’ I’d found, learning of new sites, scouring the writings and gaining more awareness. We all have the same twenty-four hours in each day and my focus was not where it should have been. I was neglecting things in my own relationship with my husband, and he was being way too patient with me. I felt I needed to keep up on a certain amount of information, learn more things and know what others were writing so that the essays I posted here had some value, were an addition to the conversational discussion of like blogs.
Another thing that came up in my assessment of this blog was that when I first started, I stated my position on things much like I would in a debate. When I was fueled by anger it was easy; once the intensity of the anger abated, it wasn’t as easy. I’m not a debater. I can hold my own for a time, presenting clear arguments and I can move people a little closer to my position, but this is not a strength for me. I’m an encourager, nurturer; not a debater. And maybe this is where it all seemed to affect me so much.
Needing to get my priorities in line I had to make some choices. I went back to the blog I’d kept before writing here. The content of it fits what is necessary in my life right now and in my relationship with Dave. I am a submissive woman by nature, I understand that now. I’d tried to bury it for many years, most of my life really, and while it didn’t destroy my marriage, it prevented it from reaching its full potential. I was kept from reaching my full potential, and in so doing limited what I was pouring into my relationship with Dave.
My other site gives me opportunity to feed my strengths of nurturing and encouraging. I get to write about my relationship with Dave from the position where I am most comfortable, being submissive. What I write seems to encourage other women who feel as I do, who are also have relationships in which they want to take a submissive role but struggle such as I do to break away from the societal ideals which are pushed on us and to which expected to conform. Some are trying to submit to men who struggle with taking the lead because of those same societal pressures and ideologies, just as Dave did. I’m not an expert, but I simply share what we went through, the ways I responded to Dave and what worked to bring us to where we are now. For us, life is very good. In fact, right now life rocks!
To keep my focus on what is priority in my life I need to manage my time and my emotions with Dave and I in mind. It meant having to choose where to write and what to share. It also meant where to read and what to read that would either add to or take away from what we want our life together to be. I learned what I needed to for now, to understand more about life and relationships. I will never stop learning, but my priority is my life and the relationship that Dave and I have. How we have grown over the past two years feels incredible. Never in my life have I ever believed that there could be such depth between two people. I want to share that with others; to encourage others to work toward that happily ever after if that is what they desire. But also to let them see where I fail at times and what I do to achieve victory over even small things in their lives; because the small things make big things happen.
So this is where I’ve been. I’m feeding my marriage, reaching into who I am and working toward my potential, including doing what comes more naturally to me; nurturing and encouraging others in their own journey through life. I write about Deferring to Dave; the struggles, the joys, the rewards of living my life the way I always wanted to live it. Some will agree, some will not, and some may agree but not agree with the way I go about it. It makes no matter, it is what I find happiness in, and what fulfills Dave and I. Writing that blog helps me to evaluate and process life; kind of a journal. If no one reads it, that is fine; it is instrumental in the growth of my marriage and me as an individual.
Then what to do with this site; what about the pages I’ve shared here. Much of what I’ve written here I am pleased with and I feel has good information and some value. Other pieces I don’t feel so confident about, but it is still what I thought and felt at the time I wrote it. I don’t feel inclined to take them down, not now at least. Perhaps I will return to share other thoughts in the future, if time permits, if I have something I feel is of value to say in this forum. I wish to thank you for reading this far, and I will close this post leaving you with something I penned recently which I feel accurately describes where I am, and will hopefully give something for thought for you also. Thank you.
I cannot do anything about the past,
I am not guaranteed anything for the future,
But I have today.
Today I accept myself for who I am.
I look ahead to my potential.
I may not be where I want to be, but today can bring me a little closer to it, or further away from it;
It is my choice today which way I will go.